Balancing on One Foot
This week I feel that I have pulled one foot from the sludge, not effortless mind you but with grunt, struggle and that grotesque cry face of pain and physical effort (think the face of a mother as she pushes during child birth). But just when my foundation felt like it hit stable ground it began to wobble and then slowly ever so haltingly did it start to sink back down. I could hear myself in my head screaming, “Run, Run! Get out of here!” but yet my other leg remained solidly stuck in the quicksand of life. So here I am still reeling with the feelings of my own and the many other families that I work with. You see as a pediatric physical therapist you can not treat the child without treating the family unit. We are what we call "family centered care”. Unfortunately the amount of training on this is not much past a large graph with circles showing how we are part of an intricate system (not very helpful really) and that as PTs we spend more time with many of these children than some of their other caregivers teaching them the most difficult things that they need to learn (hence why they came to us). Of course this brings up loads of emotions not only for the child but for their parents and caregivers as well. It also can bring up lots of emotions of the “inner child” within the parent. No one ever really tells us parents that when you have your own child it is a crash course in either healing your own shit or drowning in it. Your child’s struggles will be yours and it can be so difficult to detach yourself from all of it. You know that famous statement “the apple does not fall far from the tree.” Well if you struggled with being a clumsy child and were made fun of as a child even though you totally got over it (yeah right) and became a CEO of a big time business now suddenly when your child has balance and coordination issues you find yourself shielding your child. This can look like all different things. My least favorite is when parents bring their children to PT to “fix” these challenges but not to tell the child that they have these challenges. I will ask this “said” child, ‘do you know what PT is?’ Do you know why you are here? The child will say no. I explain my role and I can see that uncomfortable squirming of the parents on my couch. When their child says that they don’t know what PT is or why they're here I very casually explain that my role is to help kids get stronger and become the best versions of themselves. This is when I typically can visually see the parents soften as if their Xanax has just kicked in. Then after my test results come back that their child is well below their peers on any one of my standardized testing measures (strength, balance, coordination, agility), those same parents will say, please don’t tell them any of their results. “I don’t want them to feel bad.” Here is the kicker I am going to tell all parents, you should tell your child their results and they will feel bad AND this is actually OK. This is just what needs to happen. This is what is happening everyday at school. Scores on many different tests are happening all around them of different children that you are likely to never see and know how your child is doing compared to other children but guess what they know. They are participating in physical education class, recess and other games at school and see the differences in each other. Believe me they know who is good at sports and who is not. Trying to hide information from your child will not protect them. What is best is to sit with them. To help them understand that this is a normal feeling and to be that listening ear of empathy that you likely didn’t get yourself. So after I tell your child that they are well below their peers in any or all categories and you are a lucky enough parent to have your child tell you their feelings (yes that means that they have trust and a bond with you to come to you with their feelings) here are some things that you can say and ask:
"I bet it hurts to hear those words"
Ask them if they want to do something about it?
Ask them if they know what to do about it?
Do they know what causes these challenges?
What can we do together to actively get better?
Is there more they could be doing?
These conversations could get the increased engagement at home that many parents are wanting with a home exercise program. But if a child is coming to therapy and they do not know why, there is no buy in and it truly is a waste of everyone’s time.
