The Half Orphan Club
To Stacey’s son,
You don’t know me and I have only heard your mother long for you when you were a “star in the sky” so to speak. I have never met you and likely never will but still we are now forever a part of a rare club. This club is not one that anyone would want to be a part of and it is one that is hard for others to understand. It is one that therapists will state “oh my…” whenever you go for counseling and have to first start with your past as everything begins and comes from your childhood. It may be the reason why you struggle to love yourself in your teens, it may be the reason you find frustration in the ignorance of those around you, it may be the reason you hate when others are so careless and carefree (or maybe it's just jealousy). The Half Orphan Club is one I joined when I was 5 days past my 6th birthday. This club quickly drove me into the depths of adult emotions, adult fears, adult anxiety and adult responsibilities that I was neither ready nor prepared for. I quickly had to learn to read the room, who here could I trust to get my needs met, who was emotionally stable enough to help me with anything I needed like getting to school on time, packing my lunch, tying my shoes (which I still hadn’t quite finished learning). Suddenly my world seemed upside down and the kids were more put together than the adults, they were looking to us for grounding, centering and comfort. Hugging us constantly and too much. If I was carefree and funny it was for their entertainment and to help cheer them up and if I was quiet and calm I must be melancholy. This opened the unwelcomed opportunities for “joining my sorrows”. I chose anger most of the time as this seemed to make the most sense to most people around me and got the reaction I wanted. I was left alone.
But over the years I have met many other members of our club and there are common themes among us. We have the ability to use humor (both dark and witty) to get through hard times, to make others laugh. We are able to “read the room” extremely well and this makes us very good at lots of professions, especially healthcare. We are very compassionate and great with children as we remember very well what it is like to be a child as we lost so much of ours. You are also now a minority as this club is rare and being a minority gives you the ability to have empathy for all others who are also minorities. It is much easier to know what it feels to be left out as this will be a very familiar feeling for you on every Mother’s day from now on. I don’t have words of wisdom to tell you this will get better or easier and this is a great club to be in. Really it just sucks and I am so sad that you are finding yourself as us club members have. It is a terrible tragedy and unfair. You did nothing to deserve this. Just always remind yourself of this. Your mother loves you and will always be there even if you no longer can see her.
Signed,
44 year member of The Half Orphan Club
What minority club have you found yourself in (now or in childhood)?
